Quotable Quotes

You know when people are talking about race and color, and they say ‘I don’t care if he’s black, white, green or purple’? Wait a second... purple or green? I say we need to draw the line somewhere. Screw purple people! Unless they’re choking, in which case, help them. - Mitch Hedberg

Quotable Quotes

You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later. - Mitch Hedberg

Question

Is PMS a legal defense? For example, if I beat my husband over the head with this fucking frying pan because he's his getting on my nerves, can I blame the PMS and get away with it?

The Exception To The Rule....Billy Zane

Ummm...who says men get better with age?

Letters From A Frustrated Reader

Dear Pigmentally Challenged Authors,

You are from this moment forth prohibited from writing black heroines unless you have a black friend to read it over for you. Please keep in mind the demographic you're are trying to reach with your I/R story are not round the way girls. So stop writing characters who are ghetto fabulous because honestly there is nothing fabulous about the ghetto.

Yours Truly,

Me

Love Advice

Best advice I ever heard about dealing with a broken heart "Write his name on a piece of toilet paper, wipe, than flush." Doesn't get more poetic than that.

Favorite Movie Quotes - Girl, Interrupted

Tony - Do you see purple people? My friend, he saw purple people. And so the state came and took him away. He didn't like that. Some time went by and, and he told 'em he didn't see purple people no more.

Susanna - He got better.

Tony - No. He stiII sees them.

And The Moral Of The Story Is...

On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.

One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.

Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!

Off the chicken ran, back to the farm.

Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer,

but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.

Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.

Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.

Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike, rescued the horse!

Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

The friendship between the two animals was cemented:

Best Buddies, Best Pals.

A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!

The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.

Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit

The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.

The moral of the story?

"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks