Sex Talk 101

So I'm watching Supernanny with Avery and Nanny Jo finds a condom in the 13 year old's room. Avery says "what's a condom" I'm like "uhhh it's birth control that men use." She looks confused, so i try again. "Um... it's like.. it's this plastic latex thing that they put over their penis." She ran from the room with her hands over her ears....yep...that went well

Say Something Now Bitch

Quotable Quotes

It's a damn poor mind that can think of only one way to spell a word. ~Andrew Jackson

Reason 1,983,013,098 That I'm going to hell.

Some Jehovah Witness's came a calling today. I was not in the mood. I tried to be polite and just say no thank you but they kept talking. I finally just said, "I can't find comfort in a religion that won't allow me to celebrate my birthday or even celebrate Jesus' birthday." Then I slammed the door. They're probably still out there praying for me.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned

I've had unpure thoughts about Joseph Gordon-Levitt again.....

Quotable Quotes

“Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.” - Kurt Vonnegut

I've been thinking of getting a breast reduction, but then my oldest who was having a bad day, came and sat down next to me and laid her head on my breasts and said "Mom, I love your boobs. They're the best pillows and they make me feel better." Now what kind of mommy would I be if I got rid of the best pillows that have the magical powers to make an 8 year old feel instantly better.

Favorite Movie Quotes - Black Snake Moan

‎"I never laid a hand on her in anger. Not one time, R.L. Not even when I was drinking. But this here business has me wondering what a good shake and slap will do for her." - Lazarus

Things that make me go..."la sigh"

Just watched Dirty Dancing. *happy sigh* If I, as a writer, could write a book that made people feel the way watching Dirty Dancing makes me feel, I'd die (many many many many years from now of course) a happy person. "Nobody puts Baby in the corner." I still don't know what the hell that means, but I'd be damned if I don't sigh every time I see that part.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SLWzZoDmhg

WTF!!!!

I have officially reached the end of the internet. I found a website called Christian Nymphos. The tag line is "Married Sex: Spicy, the way God intended it to be!"

The More You Know....

Snowglophobia (Sxo-glo-fobbiyahk): The fear that when you shake a snowglobe, you 're ruining the lives of tiny people. ...

Reason 3,547,892

That I'm not going to win the Mother of the Year Award. My eight year old asked me if we were going to do anything special while she was on spring break. Me being me, replied "Yeah, we're going to rock out with our cocks out." She frowned and said, "Our whats?" To which I quickly said "Clocks. You know clocks off the wall. We're going to have so much fun rocking those clocks...so do you want a pony?"

Ah-ha

You know what just occurred to me? Phinease and Ferb is an animated version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. No wonder I love that cartoon.

Quotable Quotes

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Quotable Quotes

What no wife of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is working when he's staring out of the window.~Burton Rascoe.

Say WHAT!!!

It took being around "REALLY" bad kids to realize how good my kids are. It's not that mine are angels, it's just that I finally get that they're not demons.

WTF!!!!

I decided to take a break from writing tonight to go downstairs and make me a little snack. I was in the mood for a fruit salad, so i take out the orange and put it on the cutting board. Go get the diced peaches from the cabinet, open up the fridge to get the strawberries...only to find them gone. I had to make do with orange juice and eating the kids fruit roll ups. It's not the same. It's just not the same at all.

Ummm

Should it bother me that my husband's ex-girlfriend now resembles his mother?

Quotable Quotes

"All men look good in black. Black cars, black clothes....black women." By Me!! Yeah bitch, I quoted my damnself. Don't hate.